If you had the perpetrator evicted or are living alone, you may want to:
- Change locks on doors and windows.
- Install a better security system -- window bars, locks, better lighting, smoke detectors and fire extinguishers.
- Teach the children to call the police or family and friends if they are snatched.
- Talk to schools and childcare providers about who has permission to pick up the children.
- Find a lawyer knowledgeable about family violence to explore custody, visitation and divorce provisions that protect you and your children.
- Get a restraining order.
- If you are leaving your abuser, ask yourself:
- How and when can I most safely leave? Where will I go?
- Am I comfortable calling the police if I need them?
- Who can I trust to tell that I am leaving?
- How will I travel safely to and from work or school or to pick up children?
- What community and legal resources will help me feel safer? (Write down their addresses and phone numbers, and keep them handy.)
- Do I know the number of the local shelter?
- What custody and visitation provisions will keep me and my children safe?
- Is a restraining order a viable option?
If you are staying with your batterer, think about:
- What works best to keep you safe in an emergency.
- Who you can call in a crisis.
- Whether you would call the police if the violence starts again. Can you work out a signal with the children or the neighbors to call the police when you need help?
- If you need to flee temporarily, where would you go? Think though several places where you can go in a crisis. Write down the addresses and phone numbers, and keep them with you.
- If you need to flee your home, know the escape routes in advance.
Important documents to bring
- Keep important documents together in a safe place. A domestic violence hotline counselor or advocate can help you decide where. These documents and other necessities could include:
- Order of Protection
- ATM card
- Money/cab fare
- Check book
- Credit card
- Passport
- Green card
- Work permit
- Public Assistance ID
- Mobile phone/coins to use in a payphone
- Driver's license & registration
- Social security card
- Your partner’s social security number
- Medical records
- Address book
- Insurance policies
- Important legal documents
- Police records
- Record of violence
- Baby’s things (diapers, formula, medication)
- Children’s school and immunization records
- Birth certificates
- Medications
- Clothing
- Eye glasses
- Lease
How to keep your children safe
- Make sure your children know how to dial 911 in an emergency
- Instruct your children on where to go in an emergency
- Bring non-perishable snacks for children (e.g. juice and crackers)
Communicate with someone who can help and decide where you and your children would go if you needed to leave. This may be difficult, especially if your partner has isolated you, but it’s important to confide in someone who can help you:
- A trusted friend or family member who can listen without judging and keep your confidentiality. (An advocate or domestic violence hotline counselor can help you figure out which friends and relatives might be able to help you.)
- If you don't have a car, think of a safe place close to your home where your friend could pick you up or where you can have your children meet you. Also, know the routes to the subway, bus stop, and train station nearest to your home.
- Plan a code word or phrase to use with a friend in case you need to get help when your abuser is present. Tell your friend that when you say that code word, it means you're in trouble and you need them to call 911 for you.
Decide how you and your children would get out of your home:
- Decide on a pathway if you have to leave at night. Think of public places you can access 24 hours a day. Know the route to police stations, hospitals, fire stations, and 24 hour convenience stores in your area.
- If you leave by car, make sure you lock the car doors immediately.
- Consider making a plan for each room in your home. What can you do to get out of the basement or upper floors of your home?
- Know which doors lock in your home.
- If you live in an apartment building, think of all the ways to get out safely. Is there a fire escape that could get you safely to the ground? Is there a stairwell you could use?
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