MYTH Abuse only happens in certain "problem" families.
FACT Abuse is pervasive throughout society. White collar workers are just as likely to abuse their spouses as blue-collar workers; financially independent people are just as likely to suffer abuse as people on low incomes. It is not the social standing, the amount of stress lived under or the company kept which makes an abuser, but the need for power, the belief that they have the right to control someone else.
MYTH Domestic Abuse is a family matter.
FACT Abusing, battering, assaulting or raping another person is not only a criminal offense, it has far-reaching social implications. It interferes with the abused person’s ability to lead a productive life; it has a detrimental effect on children’s emotional and sometimes their physical well-being. Children brought up in abusive homes often become abusers or victims as adults. One-third of women coming into emergency departments with injuries have received those injuries from their batterers.
MYTH Domestic Abuse is not such a big problem – very few women are actually badly hurt.
FACT Domestic Abuse is a HUGE problem. An estimated 1 in 4 women live in abusive relationships, and within our lifetime half of us can expect to be the victim of domestic or intimate violence. More women are killed by a partner or ex-partner than by a stranger. And even where physical violence has not occurred, the emotional scars can have a lifelong effect on the victim.
MYTH Some women ask for it, provoke it, want it or even deserve it.
FACT NOBODY deserves to be beaten or abused. Women often have to walk on eggshells and try their best to avoid another incident. The abuser WANTS to abuse. This myth encourages blame-shifting from the abuser to the abused; it avoids the naked truth that abusers alone are responsible for their actions.
MYTH Domestic Abuse is caused by excessive alcohol or drug use.
FACT Although some abusers are more prone to violence when drunk, many more abuse when they are sober. Alcohol and drugs may increase the violence, but they do not cause it. Alcohol and drug abuse are separate issues from domestic abuse, though they may overlap. Once again, blaming chemical dependency for abuse is missing the point: the abuser is responsible for his actions.
MYTH Domestic abuse is a one-off incident.
FACT Very rarely is abuse a one-time incident. Abuse tends to increase over time and is, most often, part of an ongoing effort to establish and maintain control over another person.
MYTH It can’t be that bad, or she/he would leave.
FACT There are emotional, social, spiritual and financial hurdles to overcome before someone being abused can leave. The constant undermining of the victims’ self-esteem often leaves them socially isolated and without confidence in their ability to make good decisions. Leaving or trying to leave can increase the abuse. Leaving is the ultimate threat to the abuser’s power, and he will often do anything rather than let her go.
MYTH Abusers are always coarse, nasty, violent men and easily identified.
FACT Abusers often appear to be charming, generous, well-dressed people in high social positions. Abuse happens only in their homes. This Jekyll/Hyde persona can further confuse and frighten the victim, since the abuser in private is so different from the person the public sees. It can also mean that when the victim finally tries to tell someone about the abuse, no one believes it.
MYTH Lesbians don’t get battered or abused.
FACT Sexual orientation makes no difference. Abuse can occur in any relationship where one partner believes they have the right to control the other. Whether they are married or living together, of the same or opposite gender, have been together for a few weeks or many years really doesn’t make much difference.
MYTH Abusers or batterers just have a problem expressing anger. They need counseling to learn to resolve disputes without violence.
FACT Most abusers have no problem resolving disputes with their boss or other outside person without resorting to violence. They chose to use violence and other forms of abuse against their partner as a means of maintaining power over them.
